Three months and it feels like half a year for me.
Sometimes I still want to go back to that very first day, rewind it all.
That day, I knew what was going to happen.
I have known since the night before and I never thought that it would be possible.
I couldn't even imagine it that time.
Me being with him?
Sleeping with him?
That would be a very awkward situation.

And indeed it was awkward.
It happened, what I've foreseen.
I couldn't help myself.
That soul of his.
I couldn't help myself but to reach out for him.
Touch him.
Embrace him.
Kiss him.
Hold him tight and say that everything is going to be alright.

But isn't it ironic?
This wretched soul trying to safe a broken soul.
We both are carrying a heavy baggage on our back.
We both are broken souls trying to find our pieces in this world.
We both have scars carved deep inside our heart.
We both are two lonely souls trying to survive this world together.


"And I swear I will protect you
I will never do anything that will hurt you."

What I have become, nobody must know.
Yet, everybody can see.

It is a secret but it is not.

I have become what she fears the most.

I can't go back. I can't undo.

This curse...
Will forever stay in our soul for eternity...

I just don't want them to end up like me...
No...

I hate crybabies..
I hate spoiled brats..
They whine when they step out of their comfort zone..
They cry and cry everyday wanting attention..
Well, face it!
This is the real world!
Your mother is not here to hug you and say "it's alright"
Here you stand alone!
Stop crying and STAND UP!
Never show your weakness!
GROW UP!
Trust no one..
You are alone and will forever be alone..
Because this is reality..
And you have to fight to get what you want..
If I ever hear you whine again..
I am going to fucking kill you...


Spoiled child...
Never know what pain is..
You shouldn't be alive...

I envy them...
They always have someone, somewhere to go home to...
Their smile, their happiness...
I wish I could feel that, but I couldn't...

I wonder...
How it feels to know that there is someone waiting for you to get home...
Someone to go home to...
Someone... to love...

Sometimes I wonder...
What it feels to love..
What it feels to be loved...
I wonder...

Because I am cursed to never know what love is...

That demon is still inside me...
She will forever be inside me...
It's just a matter of time before she wakes up...
And I don't know what kind of monster I'm going to be when she's awake...
I don't know if I can still control this body anymore...
will she take over...??
 I wish I still have more time...

I see death every time I close my eyes...
I am cursed to not ever sleep...
All I want is one second of peace...
My soul is tired...
It cannot stay like this any longer...